Oprah Winfrey's friend Stedman Graham talks of cultivating identities at City Club of Cleveland

John Kuntz, The Plain Dealer"I've lived under a big public shadow, and I have to find my own voice under all that," Stedman Graham, Oprah Winfrey's long-time partner, said of his efforts to establish his own identity. Graham spoke to the City Club of Cleveland on Friday.

CLEVELAND, Ohio Best-selling author Stedman Graham details in his latest book how to cultivate identity in a label-obsessed world.

He should know. Notoriety as Oprah Winfrey's partner has made him an expert.

Promoting his new book, "Identity: Your Passport to Success," Graham spoke to a group of about 50 at the City Club of Cleveland on Friday.

"I'm sure you all define me by my relationship," said Graham, who is known in many households simply as Stedman. "I'm sure you know me as Oprah's man. I get stuck in that box."

It was how to live outside that box that Graham focused on.

"It's not about how the world defines you. It's about how you define yourself," he said, adding that establishing your own identity generates success.

Graham's latest is a culmination of previous books in which he identifies nine steps to becoming self-actualized.

The process includes having a vision, leaving your comfort zone and taking pride in what you do.

He channeled the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for emphasis.

"If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets as Michelangelo painted," Graham echoed.

The author, who is also an executive and educator, took questions from the audience after the self-help talk.

Most wanted to know about applying Graham's methods. But one man wanted advice on how to help the city.

"What could we do to get LeBron James back to Cleveland?" asked the Rev. Eugene Norris from Akron.

Graham di! dn't hav e an answer.

The author was also asked about creating his own identity while maintaining a 26-year relationship with one of the most famous women in the world.

"I'm still working on that," he said. "It's a constant development.

"I've lived under a big public shadow, and I have to find my own voice under all that."

To reach this Plain Dealer reporter: bblackwell@plaind.com, 216-999-6126